Yesterday I went to my nieces 2nd birthday and had a lovely time catching up with friends and family. It was really nice to have a beautiful day out in the sun, lots of food and great company. It brings into light again how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by so many wonderful people.
As I spoke to a few friends who have children, discussing all the development of our kids there seemed to be one apparent theme. One in which I certainly struggled with in my early days of motherhood and from time to time still do. When I first entered motherhood, it was an adjustment as to be expected but I guess I thought that hey after a few months Otis will be settled and I would pick my life up where it left off. Yeah right I had no idea! lol I mean in the media it is shoved in our face that so and so got there body back in 6 weeks, celebrities are back at work, premieres, functions, gym in no time and we are lead to believe that we will do the same. Oh and if we don’t we are failing. Also other mothers tell us there amazing stories of starting businesses, being the most creative they ever had been, travelling ect ect ect and somehow we think that this experience will be the same for us too. I am by no mean saying that this isn’t some women’s experience I am just simply saying it’s ok if its not and this is normal too!
The thing of it is though we all take to motherhood differently and you are so not prepared on how it is going to drive you. Myself, i have thoroughly enjoyed the experience thus far but have most certainly had moments of despair, or identity crisis or even just missing my freedom. ( am talking the freedom to sit on the loo and take the time to do my business.) Even now that Otis is 14 months old I still find my self so tired, hitting weeks where i feel like i have no idea what i am doing, still ambitiously trying to fit a million things in my day Otis in tow and then he has other ideas! And then i bring it back to, Giving in to motherhood. It makes it so much more enjoyable! For all of us!
It’s tough I find all of my days I am constantly giving outward, whether it be Otis, my partner, my work, strangers for god sake, I am always trying to make people feel good. Sometimes I jus have to stop and take a bit for myself before everything comes to a stand still! Instead of trying to pay the bills, do the shopping, clean the bathrooms, cook dinner and keep Otis entertained all in the first part of my day I have to GIVE INTO IT and spread these things out over a few mornings. It is ok that i can’t do everything at the rate i did before, just gotta go with it. Right?
Even outings I just find that when events are on at certain times and I hate being late for events I just realise I have to go with the flow a bit more, work around Otis and if he is happy, we are all happy! (TRUST ME) If people aren’t happy with it well quiet simply TOUGH!
I recently have just been feeling creative again, that i wanna write music again and not because people tell i shouldn’t give it up cause I am a mother but because i am feeling like i have the energy and the need and want to fulfil that part of myself again. It’s those things that i do miss but I also know they are always there, my time to do these things will come again and no i haven’t lost myself in Otis I have just discovered another layer.
“Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless – like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water in to a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” – Bruce Le